| The future..... |
[Jan. 20th, 2009|12:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  enthralled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The inaugeration in the background. | ] |
Is a bright one.
Change is on the horizon for us all. We, now have someone for president that, believe it or not, did not want to be president originally. He did not desire power, only change, and became a senator to do just that. He was encouraged by everyone to keep moving forward, but he feared for his family's safety, and almost didn't move forward.
However, he did, and now we have someone untainted by corporate backing. Someone who is putting the betterment of america before his own gains.
We, will not see an immediate change. No, it will take a long time, but we will see change. This I believe.
I hope you do too. |
|
|
| Busy, Busy, Fuckin' Busy....... |
[Oct. 21st, 2008|08:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Scad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Lights In The Sky - Nine Inch Nails | ] |
I have been busy, as one might gather from the title.
If thing get much better than they are going right now I might stroke out.
The above was not sarcasm, and neither is this.
Life is fuckin' good and so am I. |
|
|
| Finally...... |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|08:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home (on Collier) | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Viva La Vida - Coldplay | ] |
Midterms are over. Now I just wait to see if the hours I spent studying meant anything.
I feel pretty good about it though. I feel pretty good about everything.
Gonna see my dad play again tonite.
I'm tired. |
|
|
| Whew! |
[Oct. 15th, 2008|04:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | SCAD | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | enthralled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Some Bush Song | ] |
Just finished another portion of work.
Now I just need to study for my 2 midterm tests and work on my midterm project.
Heh, no problem.
Really, it isn't.
I'm so awesome lately. |
|
|
| Whoahooooaaaahhhhh listen to the music....... |
[Oct. 12th, 2008|02:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home (on Collier) | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | No Children - The Mountain Goats | ] |
Got to hear my dad play/sing on of my favorite songs of all time, 'Wild Nights' by Van Morrison.
So cool, also got to hear them play some Steely Dan songs that made me feel nostalgic.
I also enjoyed 'real beer' for the first time last night. It was some crazy belgian beer, it was pretty good, my dad bought it for me and we both realized it was the first father-son drink we had shared.
Aside from that not much going on, just bored and taking a break from burying my face in my government book. And my visual effects book. And my sound design book.
Mid-terms are next week. Ugh.
Wish me luck. |
|
|
| Music is so great...... |
[Oct. 10th, 2008|10:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home (on Collier) | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Get Miles - Gomez | ] |
It's the lynch pin of my day. I wake up to music, drive to music, everything.
I found the best bluesy song ever, it's called 'Sideways' by Citizen Cope. I can't stop listening to it. It's sad, but I like the sadness I get from this song. I think it's the perfect song for how I feel. I try to stay positive about things, but I indulge myself with this song.
In other news, I have narrowed my scope of careers to Visual Effects.
I have always been terrified of the future, the idea of choosing a specific job or making really any real choices scared me. But, I'm noticing support from places I didn't expect. Professors telling me I do amazing work, for instance. My old Shake professor told me he was impressed with my current work, my After Effects professor told me I was capable of doing entry level work in the industry as I am now.
I just feel really cared for I guess. I didn't think they were all that impressed, but apparently they all remember me, and it feels really good. My government teacher and I had a great conversation about the perversion of today's news sources to support political agendas and I (thanks to my newfound appreciation of keeping up with political events) really knew what I was talking about it instead of being vague and coasting through the conversation. I had tears come to my eyes, I felt really smart. I mean, I really respect this guy, and he wanted to keep talking for an hour after class with me!
I'm just feeling really excited about my future lately. I have been making big changes in my life, really preparing for my future and making the right decisions.
It's taken awhile but I'm moving in the right direction for my future career.
Awesome. |
|
|
| Shameful |
[Oct. 7th, 2008|09:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Waking Up Beside You - Stabbing Westward | ] |
That's how I feel right now.
I was looking through my text messages and rediscovered how truly annoying and creepy I was to Ilana.
I had been doing so well at school and socially with everyone I didn't stop to think about the one thing I repress. Ilana got all of that repression towards Sara AND me being drunk.
Something I wouldn't wish on anyone, much less someone who was a good friend who was helping me.
Which leads me to how I was a jerk for using her like that. Friends don't only call friends to talk about someone else.
Ugh. I hate how I miss such obvious shit.
Well, all I can do is work towards fixing it. Focusing on the past makes it harder to see the future, and I'm all about the future. 'Cause my past is a minefield of fuck-ups.
But, they are mine and I own them. I'm running my life like a swiss watch lately and I'm not giving control to anything or anyone.
Wake up at 8, go to school, work on projects until class starts at 2 or 5. Then work some more, come home around 9, watch my favorite shows, be in bed before midnite.
I love it. I take a break from working and take a walk outside. I stand in the sun, listen to music and feel the warmth. I'm working hard, but it feels so gratifying. I'm excited to work on the next project.
Everything feels different and better. Things I never took the time to notice before catch my eye. I feel creative.
If I start to feel bad or miss Sara, I embrace it. I don't shy away from it and it ends up making me feel better, because I know it's all me.
I had an epiphany recently, I realized that if I don't believe in god, then that means that everything I do is all I have. I have to enjoy my life because when it's over that's it.
The epiphany came with a story I heard:
'A man goes to see a wise monk and because he is very depressed and seeking answers. The man finds the monk, who is dying, and asks,"My girlfriend broke up with me, what should I do?". The monk replies,"Be happy, because if you can't enjoy life at it's worst, you can't enjoy it at it's best."
I used to think things like that were stupid.
I don't think that way anymore.
I have 2 goals, to be happy and to make sure the people I've hurt at least know I'm sorry.
I was embarassed for awhile and I felt like an asshole a lot, but I have been going around apologizing to people. Just today I apologized to a school buddy for being an disruptive ass at a party of his. He got a little weirded out by it I think, but I also think he respects me more for it. Most of my friends have been shocked to have me apologize to them, that speaks volumes about me huh?
It's funny, because all my new friends think I'm so awesome.
I think I'm finally achieving 'Good Person' status.
It feels fuckin' good. |
|
|
| Falling Up The Stairs Of Life |
[Oct. 3rd, 2008|03:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | SCAD | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Break - The Cinematics | ] |
I am excelling at things that thwarted me before.
I feel so strange, I guess it's like I was transplanted into a different body. One with an ego, a good resolve, and..... new thoughts.
I'm slowly shrugging off this depression, I know it's unwarranted. Well, most of it.
I did sacrifice a friendship to prove I could be honest to the person I love.
That sucked, especially since I'm pretty sure it was for nothing. But, I have to try. I used to give up when things got too hard, I can't afford to make that mistake again.
I've been told by pretty much every person in my life that I should give up on trying to get her back, and yet..... I have never been so compelled to do something in my life.
I used to think that when tv shows had some wild reconciliation romance scenario it was a load. Lately, I think I only thought that way was because I didn't consider myself capable of such a thing.
Now, I do.
Unfortunately, I have the most difficult of all obstacles working against me, time. I agreed I would contact her only when absolutely necessary. Of course that assuming she would even respond after my last debacle.
Another hope is that I can repair my friendship with Ilana, but I know how she feels about my intentions toward Sara. But, I was pretty scary. I released an undue amount of crazy on her. I haven't done that before to my knowledge, I used to be good at keeping things inside.
Since this summer, the opposite is the case. Aside from my insane attack on Ilana it's been great.
My introversion has become extroversion. That aside I hope I can fix this new mess, but I'm going to give it time. "Fools rush in" and all that.
Peaceful. That's my main feeling lately. I believe that everything I want can come within reach with work. Time and effort.
I've got that in spades. |
|
|
| Somethin' about somethin'..... |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|03:34 pm] |
Feeeeeelllllliiiinnnn'sssssssss...ooooohhhhhh fffeeeeeeeellllliiiinngg's
Ugh, terrible song.
Anywaayyy, I thought I was gonna give the internet a reason to cry for me, but now that I'm typing. I don't feel bad.
Hmmmm. Neat.
Heh, now you'll never know what was bothering me.
Yes, I like to believe someone out there will read this and feel a pang of outrage.
Because I AM that fuckin' important. Ha ha, I have such an ego.
Now, for a good song, try Going Through The Changes.
S'good. |
|
|
| ......Then Jesus threw up all over Hilary Clinton........ |
[Aug. 9th, 2008|12:44 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Satans Bedroom | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Sexy Swingin' Sounds | ] |
So, I am awesome.
Just sharing that with the internet.
You can stop reading now.
Go on. Take a hike.
......
WTF? LEAVE.
FINE. Read the rest of this pointless entry. It's pretty fuckin' pointless though.
see? |
|
|
| as I lie awake.... |
[Jul. 31st, 2008|05:37 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | home in bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | scars on broadway | ] |
I don't know.
Things are.... Fine.
So why do I feel uneasy?
Fuk et, I need sleep.
Good luck and good night folks |
|
|
| I Feel Like Destroying Something Beautiful....... |
[Jul. 11th, 2008|08:39 pm] |
Though I'm not in a bad mood.
It's kinda fun, having an overly volatile feeling towards the world. I like it.
I just like the fact that I recognize the feelings for what they are. But enough docter phil.
Lately, it's become horrifyingly apparent that I have been parading around what should have been normal emotional growth like that of "a good boy who went potty in the big boy toilet".
These things I figure out aren't triumphs, they are credits to my shame for not figuring these things out sooner.
Whoo. I'm bored. |
|
|
| IT IS DONE |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|09:12 pm] |
so, got moved in.
now i'm trying to get back into a normal routine.
and finish everything that i was contending with before the `incident`.
merry "chris"-mas to all, and to all a good nite. |
|
|
| And suddenly I was aware....... |
[Jun. 24th, 2008|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Drews Parents | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hummmmmmmmmmmm | ] |
Things are going well for me.
I should be moving into a new apartment soon.
My tooth is going to be fixed and I'll have contacts soon.
But I feel kind of empty.
Lame.
I have been happy until now and this may just be a passing feeling, but I feel depressed.
I've got good friends. Thank god. Otherwise my life would be truly depressing.
I don't know. Guess I'll suck it up. I won't let abstract negative feelings ruin my day.
The old AA addage is useful here. "Fake it til you make it".
A dumbed down version of positive thinking I guess.
Whatever. I'm gonna go do something fun.
"Fear my wrath for it is mighty and unending" - Somebody |
|
|
| .....and thats when I said; "No, I've never been pistol whipped, why do you ask?"...... |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|09:46 pm] |
There is a shitty neighborhood off northside that has some of my front tooth and I want it back.
I'd say it's a funny story, but it's not.
Have you ever been walking and had some crazy stranger approach you and inform you violently in the face with the butt of a gun that he thinks you owe him some money?
Well I have now.
I guess I'm embellishing a little, he wasn't crazy. And he wasn't alone. He and his friend did, however, insist that I owed them money. With a painful blow to the face from the aforementioned gun.
Guess how much my teeth are worth to the average stupid douchebag black motherfucker (and yeah, I'm throwing all the necessary qualifiers in there, right now black folks are on my shit list so save any P.C. shit for someone who hasn't been assaulted twice in about a month).......
Apparently, my teeth are worth 5 bucks. And this wasn't a mugging, oh no, these geniuses insisted I OWED them this money.
I mean fuck, if your going to try and fuck my face up and 'scam' me out of money, FIVE DOLLARS is the best you can do?
I guess it must have taken them all night to rub their few remaining crack addled braincells together to come up with that amazing plan.
I used to be a pretty tolerant guy, but you know what? Fuck that shit.
I had done nothing but to try and befriend these people in my neighborhood, and all they've done is fuck me (really, different story, but one of them tried to fuck me, no joke). I'm trying not to turn into a hate mongering asshole, but it's gonna be awhile before I can heard anyone talk about 'the black man's plight' without telling them to go fuck themselves.
I know not all black people are bad...blah...blah..blah...
Yeah, I know that. I have some great friends, everyone else......well, they can go to hell.
That goes for all people who are not right now my friend or trusted aquaintance.
Trying to trust people has gotten my ass handed to me and essentially evicted myself and my good friends from our home. Yes, I almost forgot to mention that my friends got involved in all this and my friend Sean had to get stitches in his lip. Jason also got roughed up. And we where all left with various threats of our demise.
FOR FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS THAT I NEVER OWED THEM TO BEGIN WITH!
Seriously, if you think I'm being intolerant at this point, your an idiot. Sorry, but yeah.
So, now I'm staying with a friends parents as we search for a new place because ours isn't safe.
So right now I'm feeling some definite enmity. Maybe I'm wrong for it, but I'd like to see someone deal with this shit:
A). Broken Tooth
B). No Glasses (broken/lost)
C). The guilt of my friends getting hurt by these assholes for no real reason.
D). The guilt of essentially getting us kicked out of our house and having a constant threat of violence, should we return.
I'd like to see you maintain some nice P.C. tolerance after that.
I'm trying hard not to hate anyone more than I hate anyone else, but it's kind of a bitch.
Hopefully, I'll be nack to hating everyone equally soon enough.
Aside from that, I'm feeling pretty good. |
|
|
| Whew! What a horrible adventure with that ham demon..... |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|07:50 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Home (on Northside) | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DFA 1979 - Black History Month | ] |
Well, I done woke up early, exercised till I couldn't move (BTW I love my body, 1 week of working out and it looks like a month of work) and done ate me a somewhat nutritious breakfast w/ vitamins.
Now, I just have to do this for the rest of my life.
Heh, there's something about getting up before the sun that makes you feel good, like you accomplished something without having to do anything.
Plus, I feel happy. No reason for it, I just feel happy.
I'm gonna go walk my dog.
I hope you're day is going as well as mine is. |
|
|
| 6 am..... The Witching Hour |
[Jun. 7th, 2008|06:09 am] |
Sooo....
2 c's and a b.
Maybe I shouldn't be, but I'm fuckin' proud of myself.
Hell, I'm getting a job, I live in a House now, and I managed to get my shit together at school.
Yes.
Now, a summer of fun and work is to be had. I'm feeling pretty good. I feel like this is only the beginning. I'm finally doing things right and it's just a matter of time before I have my life running just as I want it to.
I'm figuring myself out, which sounds stupid but it's like I was given a rubicks cube at birth and over the years everyone but me has had a turn twisting it but me. Not that I'm saying my problems aren't my fault, but it's to say that unlike everyone else, I haven't tried solving the puzzle until the last couple years. Up until then, and even recently, I've been cheating or 'switching the stickers' if you will. Which works for awhile, until you can't fool yourself anymore.
Whoo.
OK, done self analyzing. Too early. Probly spouting nonesense anyway.
But I'm happy, not in all things, perhaps content is a better term.
But from these positive feelings can only spring forth good things.
Huh, ya know, it's weird that I when I write in here, I write as if I am writing this to be read, but honestly I wonder if anyone does. Ah, well. Doesn't matter.
Adios |
|
|
| UUUrrrrrrrGGGGhhhhhh........ |
[May. 29th, 2008|05:29 am] |
I'm pulling ANOTHER all nighter in a frantic attemp to make my beautiful things more beautiful.
I can't feel various parts of my body. Just the parts I like and or need to accomplish my goals.
Fuckin' body, crappin' out on me when I need it.
I mean really, I feed it, clothe it, give it a roof over it's/my head, and this if the thanks I get.
BTW, if you haven't heard from me recently, it's not because I secretly hate you and am plotting your demise.
Or is it? Nah, it's cause all my time is going to my lord and rapist SCAD.
So, I hope the world is a bright shiny place for you, cause I'm watching puppies climb out of the walls.
I think I'm hallucinating, or maybe this place has wall-puppies. Hmm.
They also have unicorns repeling down from the ceiling.....
Um, one of them stabbed me.
I gotta take care of this. |
|
|
| This song is good |
[May. 20th, 2008|12:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | SCAD | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Noose - A Perfect Circle | ] |
The Noose - A Perfect Circle
So glad to see you well, overcome them
Completely silent now
With heaven's help
You've cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead
Recall the deeds as if they're all
Someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn
Before us all
So glad to see you well
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead
With your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin'
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin' down
(I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends)
[repeated]
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo's slippin' down to choke you now |
|
|
| The Bleeps And Bloops Of Life |
[May. 19th, 2008|07:17 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | SCAD (as always) | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Let's Make Out - Does It Offend You, Yeah? | ] |
And I am so full of bloop right now.
Heh, bloop.
Anyway, I wuz bored doin extra credit at school and I was noting that the music below can cause euphoria, happiness, and other redundant adjectives. It can also cause grand mal seizures, ow. But its good and I weel promote them.
Also, MSI was the most amazing thing ever. It was like sex, which is good, ssssooooo goood.
Jimmy Urine is not as pretty up close. Didn't expect that.
Later folks. |
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